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I love being there for people.

But I hate when I become people's dirty emotional secret. I hate when my friends come to me in moments of need only to ignore me the next day when I've helped them with whatever problem. I hate that when I'm struggling and I turn to the people that I talk to the most, I realize they don't really care about whats happening in my life.

I hate feeling used up and taken advantage of when all I wanted to do was help a friend in need.

It kind of makes me feel like an emotion whore.

And I'm posting this on LJ because I dont think (at least with the people I'm still friends with) this has ever been a problem with my LJ friends.

So uh... life.

Grad School! Yay! the least hard thing about grad school thus far is class which is surprising. But I'm constantly and insanely busy. I'm constantly trying to stay on top of my work (Who honestly assigns three hundred pages of dense racial theory every single week? Makes me want to cry.) and I got a from my laptop job where I do bibliography research for my department (way more fun then it sounds like, honest). Also I'm trying my best to kick my anxiety in the face and make friends and try new things by myself. Since I've always been mildly anxious I thought I could handle going to Tango by myself and learning how to dance, but every week I have a mini breakdown and get really upset. So this week I'm taking a break so that I'm not all frazzled when STEPHANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE arrives (Hurricane permitting).

Basically, insanity. But when I cant sleep I write Teen Wolf fanfiction, because apparently as I advance my education I need to go with the most ridiculous fandom to play in.

(Seriously ridiculous. Why is there no Allison/Scott fics?!?)

I have to go downtown now to pick up a sleeping bag for Stephanie to sleep on.

also I haz a tumblr (I'm pastyrobyn)
So uh. I can just say that this last two months have been absolutely insane.

But steph is coming to visit! yay!!

Alright, enough of this.

I'm really getting tired of not being able to write, or writing a tad bit and then being unable to continue. I need to get into a fandom! soon! hopefully!

I've been rewatching Avatar; the last airbender and I had forgotten that it was such a solid tv show. The majority of the characters develop and adapt to the situation they're in. The plot is interesting and the filler eps dont get on my nerves. The fight scenes are always awesome and EXPLOSIONS. plus Sokka might be my perfect man, especially since when I first started watching the show we were the same age (except you know - he was fictional). Also they mix corny and funny with a skill that most tv shows cant even hope to attain.

So I decided to wade into Avatar fandom, from what I understand it was wanky and shipwarry as all get out, plus the rampant racebending of the official movie and how much Korra is not as awesome as TLA made me kind of worried, but I managed to find some sweet fics that inspire me to write.

If only I was still as active in Merlin fandom as I was circa season 2. I still havent fully caught up :/

LAPTOP. PLS STOP BREAKING.

Srsly. I just got it back again (which reminds me that I need to back it up)

AVENGERS

IVE SEEN IT

JFC.

BAAAAAAAAAH


I saw it with a group of non-dorks (my only non-dorky friend and my sister and her friends for my big sister's bday party) and none of them got what was going on but they enjoyed the pretty

SO MUCH PRETTY

SO MUCH AWESOME.

(is it bad that I came out of it shipping het? Can I have fics?)

I'm going to leave before I start posting spoilers.

NEWS

My laptop decided to break a month before the warranty was up which was good, so I havent had my laptop for a week but I did have my iphone. Luckily I was only spending the week in bed and in Chicago. I went down there to study the school and see if everything was okay.

I'm not big on "the one" when it comes to falling in love (at least outside of romance novels and fandom) but! If there is "one" for me, it is the University of Chicago Caribbean and Latin American Studies Masters program.

You guys.

I'm in love.

With my education.

Luckily UOCCLASSMA (which I've just named it, it's real name is CLAS but that leads to puns about me having CLAS), feels the same way. After frolicking through 1920s architecture and debating interdesciplinary approaches to history in a Culturally diverse region of the world, I bit the bullet and sent in my acceptance signature (internetly) and have already fervently applied for ihouse housing.

I'm running away to be with my love and there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Except point out how unlikely I'll be able to find 40,000 in loans.

-runs away to Chicago-
This is a big month for me. I'm going to go to University of Chicago to look at the classes and talk to the professors, and unless it is ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE AND OH MY, then I'm probably going to be giving them my deposit before the month is out. I refuse to waffle or be indecisive about this, I spent months agonizing over going to SU and although it had it's ups and its downs I generally loved the experience. Why should a masters program be any different? Granted I will rack up the same amount of debt in a year that I did in four years at Cuse.

ALSO BIG CITY. BIGGGGGGGG CITY. PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! WOOO.

Even though NYU rejected me and my bank account is suffering a slow slow death by college loans, I'm not going to be bummed, my first school is all but begging me to come to them, I finally broke down and got an iphone (my envy that I've had for five years kicked the bucket) and the things that normally get under my skin will not do so this month.

I refuse to let them.

REFUSE I SAY.

Also, I need to start writing again. Anyone want to be my cheerleader/beta? I've got 25 thou words written and millions begging to come out but they're staying behind my brain block of "WOE IS MY LIFE."

I may not be rich, swimming in hot men or a world renowned Historian but I have a pretty damn good life, and all of those things might happen just yet.

ARGH MY LIFE.

Cut for RANTCollapse )

So basically, I'm realizing that I have ENTIRELY TOO MANY CLOTHES. I need to buckle down and

a. throw out my old nasty discolored tshirts that I havent been able to fit into since I was a freshman

b. take my cute nice memorbillia shirts and turn them into a quilt.

c. Clothes that I didnt frequently wear need to go to the salvation army!

now I am off to google quilting patterns for shirts.

oh hay.

So.... I miss you all. Fun fact :P

life has been insane lately, I'm been off and on sick due to a variety of reasons (mainly my thyroid >.<) plus I've been having various identity crisises up the wazzoo.

ANYWAYS I AM FIRMLY DENYING THE REDUCTION IN MY HOURS AT WORK, ALSO THE INSANITY OF LIFE BY SPENDING A CHUNK OF MY SUNDAY FUCKING AROUND ON THE KINK MEME.

Sherlock kink meme to be exact. I've been prompting like crazy... and filling like crazy too. Trying to balance out my need to see some good old fashioned sibling not!incest fic with other prompts O.o

DENIAL ROBYN AWAY!

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